Excuse me, where do y’all keep the diet Pepsi?
Writing by Charlie Brice
Art by 51 Pegasi
Tragedy in the Arugula Aisle
Want to have a little fun?
Walk into Whole Paycheck
(our name for a certain high-end
grocery chain) and ask one of those
food fanatics where they keep the
Diet Pepsi. Stand clear and watch
his head, and those of his colleagues,
explode. Watch those decapitated
food ninnies run full bore into the
granola and knock over the raw honey
display. Try to dodge the rivulets
of Apis excreta as it flows like
health food lava down the goat
cheese aisle into the kale, arugula,
and legume bins. Listen to one of
the organic food colonels chortle
about how deadly diet cola is, how
it removes rust from worn spoons
and forks, watch his eyes pop out
of their sockets when you explain
that’s why you drink the stuff.
“No rusty parts in my innards,”
you exclaim. Stay calm when
the Gluten Free Police throw you
and your reusable grocery bags out
of the store and onto your keister.
Want more fun? Stroll into the vegan
section and tell a stock boy how
great Spam tastes when slathered
with yellow mustard and nestled
between slices of Wonder Bread;
or stand in the middle of the coconut
water and oat milk aisle and loudly
complain that you can’t find the
Sweet’N Low. There’s much fun
to be had. The possibilities are endless.
About the Author
Charlie Brice won the 2020 Field Guide Poetry Magazine Poetry Contest and placed third in the 2021 Allen Ginsberg Poetry Prize. His sixth full-length poetry collection is Pinnacles of Hope (Impspired Books, 2022). His poetry has been nominated three times for both the Best of Net Anthology and the Pushcart Prize and has appeared in Atlanta Review, The Honest Ulsterman, Ibbetson Street, The Paterson Literary Review, Impspired Magazine, Salamander Ink Magazine, and elsewhere.
About the Artist
51 Pegasi is a hallucinogenic trip through a world of Stepford dolls that shimmy their way around a 60’s Nuke Town in a dystopian world that almost was. A pop surrealist fever dream from London-based designer Jenna Patrick, who, let’s be honest, probably spends most of her time making boring things look slightly less boring. But hey, who needs reality when you can escape into a world of pop surrealism and pure unadulterated madness.
Leave a Reply