Cream Scene Carnival

Let Chuck Fuck

I’ve made my way around the various adult stores in my moderately sized Tennessee town. If you look hard enough, you will hear whispers of the porn theater. Perhaps you’ll hear about it through the news headlines, proclaiming: “Let Chuck fuck!” These all came out after a local professor was found having consenual intercourse at this sexual haven and was subsequently fired. I stand with Chuck and agree that he should be allowed to fuck.

After I heard this story my freshman year at Chuck’s former place of work, I made it a mission to check out this theater myself.

Since I am now a porn theater enthusiast, I will be taking you on a guided tour of the facility and giving you my personal review based on my experiences. If we have a good time, maybe we’ll do it again. 

Upon First Glance

The theater exists on the line between open invitation and obscurity. If you put the location into your phone, it will take you to the wrong place on the right road. As you drive down a popular road, you’ll see the large sign lit up and poking out, accompanied by a neon flair surrounding the building. The obscurity is personified in a tall wooden fence, put up to hide the identity of the patrons. The parking lot is always full. 

Shopping!

Before you actually go into the theater, there’s an adult toy store. If you view this porn theater as a church, this acts as the vestibule where regular shoppers and theater attendees part ways. It has a stellar selection when compared to other stores in the area. There’s a small but well-curated collection of dildos, buttplugs, sexy costumes, vibrators, and more! The casual T-shirts are a personal favorite. I treated myself with the one that says “I ❤️ Bukakke.” 

Buying a Movie Ticket

To get into the theater, you must speak to the person working at the cash register and pay your tithes. He will give you the general rundown of the place and ask you to sign a consent form. You are also assured that if anyone is being particularly creepy or annoying, there is a low tolerance policy. You can buy a ticket for $17, which is both the single prince and the couple’s price. There’s also a $5 membership you can add-on to your purchase, which will make your entry fee only $5 for every future visit. Before you go in, you are asked to leave your cell phone behind the register or in your car, as none of the guests wish to be recorded. 

The Main Theater

This is the sanctuary of the building where the patrons gather to worship with their hands in their pants. The congregation fills in the rows of church pews that sit in front of the pulpit, which is a white wall with the night’s selection of porn projected onto it. Hot tip: I once made the mistake of resting my arm on the back of a pew and coming out with a stranger’s cum on my shirt sleeve. 

The Couple’s Lounge

If this is your first time at the theater and you’re part of a couple or group, I highly recommend hitting the couple’s lounge first. It’s a small room only open for couples, so it’s usually not very popular. It has it’s own personal movie playing and several couches that do in fact scare me. It’s a nice place to get some privacy and debrief with your group. If you’re alone, you’re not allowed in the couple’s lounge…so don’t go there. The couple’s lounge is akin to a church’s choir loft, where members will perform.  Patrons gather around the windows that divide the main theater and the lounge. Couples have the option of drawing the curtain, but they are silhouette curtains. 

Individual Stalls

To your left is a hallway with about fifteen individual no-door stalls, each playing their own movie. One side of the room focuses on gay porn – an LGBT+ win. These private chapels are conducive to worship, but the lack of door encourages voyeurs. Maybe they’ll offer assistance, or, alternatively, you could take a voyeur’s tour and observe the varied techniques. 

Red Room

The red room is for the more adventurous patron, so be aware of that.  This room is a fellowship area where many meet each other at a very personal level. While I haven’t participated, I poked my head in. It is a dark room illuminated only by a red light and filled with questionable couches. Expect to see the silhouettes of bodies engaging in various types of sexual acts.    

 Smoking with the Patrons

The smoking lounge, which is a must. BYOSmoke and take a seat amongst the other members of the congregation. It is a very small, black room with chairs lining the walls. Enjoy the framed pictures of Pee-wee Herman while listening to pop music hanging on the wall. The smoking room is my personal favorite part of the experience because you get to hear personal stories from seasoned patrons of the theater. I’ve spoken to many middle-aged men about their experience with this establishment and others. The crowd is typically a bit older and mostly male, but it’s more diverse than you’d expect. It’s a great place to make friends and learn about other people’s sex lives and opinions. 

An Overall Review

Reader, I encourage you to seek out your local porn theater and engage with the other freaks in your community. You will find a variety of people and new experiences to explore beside them. I believe this particular theater to be a fine establishment where like-minded individuals can gather and worship in their own ways.