Written by Lauren Klein

Art by Lauren Klein

“I can’t stay, I have to get up early and make fruitcake.” 

He begged me to just “do it later,” as if it’s something I can slack off on, like laundry or work, but he doesn’t understand. 

From now until Christmas, making fruitcake will be my number one priority. 

The process of making fruitcake is both lawless and precise. It takes a long time for the juices to seep into each other and get the flavor just right. You have to add to it every day at the same time; otherwise, you run the risk of losing the previous day’s progress. But other than that, there’s no recipe. Just fruit, alcohol, sugar, spice, a pinch of insanity, and a handful of chaos. 

It will be my excuse not to sleep over for the next twelve days. 

This is a special edition of “Fruit Stains Goes Festive,” a Cream Scene Carnival exclusive. In our Valentine’s Issue, we’ll talk to Lauren Klein about her POV on modern love.

About the Artist

Fruit Stains is a writer and illustrator from Toronto. Her weekly neurotica-filled newsletter will reassure you that someone out there is more fucked up than you. Until December 25th, her obsessive brain will be thinking of nothing else but Fruit Cake. Read more at

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